Where have you been young lady?

Sorry about the lack of posting.  It’s been a bit hectic lately.  This post will be a bit messy and LONG, as so much has happened since the last post and I don’t really feel like posting more than one post.  Get a cup of a coffee and a bite to eat because you’re in for a t least a half hours worth of reading.

1.  How I’ve been feeling?

Good for the most part, besides the days that I decide to take my prenatal vitamins. The doctors have switched me to something with more nutrients in it and it’s really ripping my insides apart.  I’ve tried taking them during the day, but I feel so nauseous and gross feeling that, that wasn’t working.  I tried taking them after work and that wasn’t working either.  About an hour after I take it, I start the sick feeling.  I tried taking it before bed with a completely full stomach, but the same thing happens.  The bottle tells me not to lay down for a half hour after taking them, which I’m going to listen to.  I don’t want to vomit.  I’ve made it this far without it, I want to continue on my good streak.  I’ve pretty much stuck to the after work plan and just rode out the sickness.  It’s such a terrible feeling, but when I go to the doc. on 11/8 I’m going to ask about taking 2 Flintstones a day.  It seems as though a lot of pregnant women are doing that these days with a folic acid pill and they feel fine.  My energy has been up, besides when  I’m at work, which will be written about below.  My stomach is growing and my appetite has settled down a bit.  Hopefully the weight gain does too.  I’ve been gaining 1 pound  a week.  I’m up to 9 pounds now, but if I keep this up I’ll be up to 50 pounds before I know it.  It’s such a good feeling knowing that I’m in the second tri-mester already and that I’m almost halfway done.  I’ll be 15 weeks on Sunday.  wOOHOO!

2. Work

Well it’s not going so well.   In the 12 years that I have been working 3 at the current job I’m in.  I’ve never gotten in trouble or written up.  I’m kinda a goody toochoes when it comes to doing things the write way.  I’m so affraid of getting trouble that it’s not funny.  Long story short VERY short. I got written up for forgetting (he said it was conduct) to enter time that I took off onto my time card. I truely forgot and didn’t do it intentionall.  I was planning on using some of the time that I have left (vacation time), but my boss didn’t care about that. He said the next time I do anything wrong I’ll be fired. I’m freaking out.  Who’s going to hire a prenant woman?  I’ve never been fired from a job in my lifetime.  I’ve always been the good employee. My work ethic has totally gone down the tubes and I just plain don’t like being at work anymore.  I used to love going to work LOVE going to work, but this past few months has really been difficult for me.  I don’t want anything to do with it.  It’s so uncomfortable there.  Maybe sometime I’ll get balls enough to talk about it on here, but for now the goodie toochoes in me is freakin’ out about them reading the little blurb I wrote about.  Even though only 2 people I know (not work people) know that I am even keeping a blog.  It still freaks me out.

3. Speaking of pregnancy brain

I have found myself slipping these days on A LOT of things. I usually have the BEST memory around.  My girlfriends always tell me that and can’t believe some of the things that I remember, however lately that is not the case. As you can see in #2.  I find myself asking the same questions over and over again because I forgot what the answer was or just plain forgot that I already asked that question. Many people have said to me”you just asked me that last week”.  It really bothers me.  I feel like i’m losing control and I am the type of person that needs to be in control of my thoughts and body and other things.   Some of the ladies that I have asked (that have been pregnant before) tell me that it’s normal and that it’s happened to them as well.  It really bothers me the most because of work things.  I don’t want to mess up anymore for fear that I’m going to get fired. I’ve tried putting a rubberband around my finger, but that only works for one memory.  What do I do when I have to remember more than one thing?  I’ve tried typing it into the computer as a reminder that pops up, but sometimes it’s just not that type of thing. Other times,what I have to do comes to me, but i’m not near anything to write on or type in and it’s just gone in a second anyway. I just wish that my boss could understand that, before he wrote me up.

4.  My grandfather

I think I’ve mentioned before that I bascially take care of my grandfather. I mean he can take care of himself, but he’s 80 years old and he leaves the stove on sometimes and doesn’t really cook himself good meals or go grocery shopping or any those types of things. He drives but shouldn’t be driving if you catch my drift. It’s really taking a toll on me these days though.  Being prenant and all. It’s just tiring going to work and then coming home to have to cook or clean or run earrands for gramps. It’s mostly mentally exhausting. Ecspecially when he too has pregnancy brain, or should I say maybe the start of alhiemers.  He’s really starting to forget a lot of stuff and it’s really starting to bother me. I visit with him most days but every day it just gets harder and harder. For example, he called me at work one day. He asked me how much a 1 and 000 were.  I said one thousand.  He asked if I was sure.  I ended up going home on my lunch break to count the checks that he had and put together the deposit slip so he could go to the bank. while I was eating my lunch he called me up and said that he just tried to go to the bank to deposit the money, but the teller told him that he doesn’t have a checking account there.  He argued with the lady for a minute and then drove home. He went to the bank where his savings account was and tried to use a deposit slip for the bank that his checking account was. When he called me up to have me go downstairs and look over things I did. After getting everything together and understanding what was going on, I explained to him that he had to go to the other bank. He was insitant that he doesn’t have another bank and that all of his checks come from the bank that he went to.  Finally he understood, but he didn’t know how to get to the bank with his checking account.  Mind you, his lived in this house and gone to that bank for the past (at least) 30 years. This is just one of the examples of what goes on with him. It just hurts so bad to know that his days are numbered and that someday he’s not going to be around anymore. He’s been there for me through so much and helped me through so much as  have I.  It’s just so hard to see the people that you love go downhill like that. It’s ecspcially hard because I see him every day and live upstairs from him.  Why do we have to get old.

5.  Houses

We have been looking for houses for the past 4 or 5 months and have had no luck at all. We’ve found houses that we like, we’ve put offers in, but the idiots just were plain idiots. The first offer we put in, the woman had just dropped the price of the house and decided not to take our offer in fear that she might get a better one down the line.  That was oh say in May maybe.  The house is still on the market.  The 2nd house we put an offer in on, gotten takin’ away from us, by an investor with CASH, BASTARD! The 3rd house we put an offer in on, the guy was lying through his teeth about the septic system and saying that it was brand new and just been flushed and so on and so forth.  Finally after discussion with my real estate agent we agreed on a price for the house and never heard back from jerk. We stopped looking for a bit and just started again, we really don’t need to get out of where we are now and have a great thing going right now, but it’s not going to be forever so we might as well start building equity while we can. The 4th house we found, we put an offer in the guy denied the offer and said that he wouldn’t take less than $$$$.  We said fine we’ll give you that.  My agent called us back at the very last minute and said that the guy decided not to sell the house anymore. Yep, back at square one again. I guess it’s not meant to be for us at the moment.

What number am I on? Oh right 6

Good news.

I got a call on Wednesday morning (1am) that my good friend was having her baby. I then called my best friend to tell her about it.  We decided to sleep for an hour and then make the half hour drive to the hospital to support her and her husband. We woke up at about 2:45 and got ready, I picked her up and we drove to the hospital.  It was quite amusing because we were so tired.  I had just fallen asleep at 12:30am and when I got the news I could barely sleep anymore. We got to the hospital around 3:30 and we didn’t leave until 1pm the next day.  She was in labor from 10:30- 10:30.  Nothing bad at all.  she got the epidoral when she first got there because she was already 4 centimeters.  The pain stopped and didn’t come back until the epidoral didn’t work anymore.  For some reason, it got stuck in a postion where it was allowing it to break through the tissue.  She  was in some serious pain for about 45 minutes, they finally fixed the epidoral and she was good to go until it was time to push. She didn’t even realize that she was pushing and only pushed for 14 minutes, with no pain. Little brat!  she had a healthy baby boy.  8lbs 1.3 oz and 20 inches long. SO FREAKIN CUTE!  I sure hope my labor is like that.

Ya this was a long and winded post. I knew it would be long but not this long.  I’m sure there are things that I haven’t mentioned here that have happened over the past few weeks, but with the pregnancy brain thing going on, I just plain can’t remember. I will try to keep up with the posting as the time is counting down. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Take care.

I love you flutter!

Heartbeat

As the day progressed yesterday, I kept feeling worse by the hour. By the end of the day my head was pounding, but I couldn’t take anything for it because Tylenol doesn’t work for me for some reason. I went to my appointment at 5.  I still didn’t feel too well, but as soon as the midwife put that fetal heart monitor on my belly and I heard the flutterby’s heart, all pain and feelings went away.  For that brief moment, I didn’t have a headache, nor did my stomach feel ill. I had no cares in the world, except that little flutter sounded healthy and happy.  During the time the monitor was on my belly there was kinda a loud high pitched scream type noise.  I asked what that was and Peg said that it was the baby moving around. It was so AMAZING!  I got to seethe heart beating before via ultrasound, but it was and entirely different feeling. I’m a momma!  YAY!!! How wonderful!

When she found the heartbeat, she said there it is and Adam and I were both quiet.  We both just sat there in aw.  No tears or crying or screaming of joy, it was just pure bliss.  I think that was the single most coolest thing I’ve heard in my entire life. 

Other than the amazingness (if that’s even a word) or hearing the heartbeat, everything else went well.  They confirmed that I was correct in assuming that my due date is sometime around April 22, 2007.  I gained 3 pounds since my last appointment, which I didn’t think was that bad and either did the midwife, cause she didn’t say anything to me. I mentioned the headaches that I’ve been having now for over a week and she said that sometimes that happens during pregnancy.  She said mostly between the end of the last trimester and the beginning of the 2nd trimester. Which is exactly where I am right now. She said as long as I wasn’t having migraines and it was affecting my ability to work and think that I should be ok.  Just keep taking Tylenol. I said that, that doesn’t work for me and she said then start using pressure points.  Which I’ll have to try again, it worked for me a while ago (Cause I HATE to take medicine of any sorts.  It goes back to my anxiety days and medication.  A story for another time).  So I guess I’ll just have to wait them out.

Other than that everything looks and sounds great, as far as they could tell.

After that appointment, I met with the nutritionist. I expressed my concern about how healthy of an eater I was before I was pregnant, but now all I crave is sugar.  Whether it be a candy bar (ooooo which yes at 10:16 am I could go for a twix right now, but won’t) or a twizzler.  She said that those cravings may go away, just to wait it out and if they don’t go away, basically try not to give into them as I have been in the past few weeks. She also mentioned that even though my iron isn’t low enough to be anemic that it is pretty low and that I should really start taking REAL pre-natal vitamins now.  Ones with iron in them.  She said that the premisis, the anti nausea “prenatal” vitamins,  that I was taking up until now aren’t actually “real” prenatal vitamin.  I totally got a bit freaked out.  She said that they don’t have all of the essentials in them.  Ok so why would the very 1st midwife give them to me.  UGH! I can’t ever trust doctors.

So she gave me a different kind with iron in it.  I have yet to take it today because of the iron.  I’m going to try the taking it at nigh time thing right before bed so that I don’t feel the sickness if I feel it coming on. She also mentioned to me that I really need to eat more protein.  She said that my diet mostly consists of carbs, chicken and sugar. WHOOPS!

I knew I wasn’t eating healthy, but I couldn’t help it.  I got nervous about my new eating habits but figured they’d go away soon, which I’m still hoping they do.  Needless to say I was disappointed in the way the nutritionist appt. went.  Hopefully I can really buckle down and start eating better.  The little flutter really needs it’s nutrients.  Especially since the prenatal vitamins I thought were good for the baby weren’t that at all.  It’s really time to catch up.

This morning I started off by eating a waffle with peanut butter.  That should be enough protein for my morning. 

Enough of my ramblings. I love you a million times over flutter and I can’t wait to meet your beautiful face.  It’s so amazing how you can fall in love with something you haven’t even met yet.

Feelin’ crummy

Last night I could not sleep for the life of me. I have my second appointment today and that’s all I was thinking about. I was wondering how my blood test came out. Wondering if there was something wrong that they probably would have called me by now instead of waiting to tell me at the appointment. However, who knows these days. The no news is good news strategy hasn’t always been the best way of telling people things these days.
I was at a friends house until 8:45, then I came home and lay in bed until 12:45am. I kept tossing and turning. Adam came in to go to bed around 11:30 pm and I thought that I was going to be able to fall asleep, and I did only to wake up 20 minutes later to a damn car alarm outsidte. Boy was I pissed. I could not go back to sleep.
Finally at around 12:45 I went out on the couch to see if maybe I could sleep out there and what do you know, I was out like a light. I woke up at 2 am and went into the bedroom and fell right to sleep again. I woke up this morning feeling tired and just plain wierd. I didn’t have a headache like I’ve been having for the last 4 days, but my stomach just doesn’t feel right at all. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just plain gross feeling.

I want chili damn it!

Yesterday I left work at 12:15 for the day.  I had my usual splitting headache and it was gorgeous out, my boss wasn’t in and neither was anyone else really, so I decided to leave. I went home and ate some lunch.  After lunch I laid down and watched the tube for a bit.  I decided that I REALLY needed to go grocery shopping.  While I was compiling my list, I had a craving for chili. I wrote the ingrediants down on the paper and I was off on my adventure.  My head was still pounding but the thought of chili were so embedded in my head that I couldn’t turn back.  I had to shop.  When I got to the grocery store, I started off in the fruits and veggie area, which is were I ALWAYS start off.  I got the onion and the garlic and the pepper, plus all the other stuff I needed for the week. The longer I was in the store the more I started to get hot and I actually started to panic a bit.  A little side note, I have had anxiety and depression for about 6 years, so bad that I wasn’t even able to go to the store at all at one point.  I have come such a LONG way in that I am able to go to the stores myself and do things on my own again and it feels great, but sometimes I freak out at the drop of a hat. 

Anyway, I started to get hot and sweaty and panicy, but I knew that I hadn’t gotten all the ingrediants to make the chili, which was really what was keeping me going. I continued on down the isles and picked up the sauce and the diced tomatoes and whatever else was needed. My head was still pounding right along with my heart.

Finally I had everything.  I got home and I had to carry the groceries up the stairs to my house.  The more I walked up those damn stairs, the more tired and frusturated I got. My head was pounding, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the chili. Finally I get everything into the kitchen and put away.  I thought for a second that I would hold off on making the chili because I needed to rest and my head was pounding.  I was feeling better from the panic, but I was just plain exhausted feeling, but my body would not let me rest until I made that chili (cravings I tell you).  I chopped everything and prepared the chili.  All I had to do was let it set in the crock pot for 5 hours. Which was fine because in an hour or so family night would begin and we’d have to go to my grandfathers for dinner anyway (the plans for eating the chili weren’t until tomorrow for lunch and or dinner).

I go rest and watch TV, I may have even fell asleep for a bit.  At 6pm I went down to my grandfathers house with the rest of my family for dinner. Making sure to stir the chili every so often.  The smell just invaded my house.  I could actually taste the chili in my mouth.

Family night was over, I went upstairs watched TV for a bit, but couldn’t really concentrate because of the smell of the delicious chili.  After a few hours I went out into the kitchen to turn off the crock pot (Note I hadn’teven tried the chili, I wanted it to be a suprise to my mouth when I ate it for lunch, plus I was so full from dinner still).  I turned off the crock pot and thought about leaving it in the pan from the crock pot, and just putting it in the fridge, but then I decided to use one of my new glass bowls.  I’ve used them before, but never had the chance to use the biggest one. I start scooping the chili into the nice big bowl (see where I’m going with this).  All of the chili is almost out of the crock pot.  I was getting so excited, one because I didn’t have to use 2 bowls like I normally do because it was all fitting in this nice new glass container and two because it smelled so freakin’ delicious and I couldn’t wait to taste it, but didn’t even test it.

I get to the end of the crock pot scraping the bottom for every piece of chili that was in there and POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yep POP!!!! The freakin’ never been used HUGE glass bowl broke right in front of my eyes.  I immediatly started crying.  I was so upset. It smelled amazing and it looked delicious and I was good, I hadn’t even tested it yet.  I was so fired up.  I screamed for my husband who was on his way down to the basement.  He came running up the stairs wondering what had happened.  He took one look at the bowl and then at me and I could tell he felt so horrible.  He started to help me clean it up, I just stood there holding the garbage can so that he could scoop everything off of the counter in to the can.  As I was standing there was tears in my eyes, I had everything I could do to keep myself from picking up a spoons and just trying a little tiny bit of that chili that I had been craving now for well over 6 hours.  If I hadn’t been so scared to have my throat severed by the glass, I would have taken out a spoon and just had at it.

After a minute or so I just dropped the garbage can on the ground and ran to my room like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum.  For some reason it hurt so bad that I wasn’t even able to taste that chili. I worked so hard to make it.  I wasn’t feeling good and my body made me keep going to make that chili.

Damn cravings, I’m not giving in again only to have my heart broken!

Needless to say I went home for my lunch break today and had a chicken sandwich with cheese and bbq sauce on a whole wheat roll.  It was good, but the it wasn’t as good as the chili would have been.

Mommy and daddy daycare

Since I was a young girl, it’s been my dream to open a day care.  A daycare out of my home.  Not a center or anything.  My first “real” job was working in a day care/summer camp progam for the summers.  I worked there for 3 years and decided that I wasn’t making enough money, so I left and started working for a school in the area.  I worked as an aide. I jumped from class to class in the beginning, working with children of all ages and all sorts of mental and physical disabilities.  I was then placed with an 8th grader who had seizers out of nowhere. Nobody could figure out why she was having them.  She was molested by a janitor in her younger years, but the doctors did tests upon tests on her and couldn’t figure it out. She needed an aide to walk around with her and go to class with her.  A just in case kinda thing. Which actually it worked out that I was there for her, because every other day if not every day I would have to help her through her seizure and make sure she didn’t harm herself.  I worked with her for 2 years, until her family decided that maybe it was the school and switched schools for her.  It actually worked out for the best for her though.  I guess she is ok now days.

Anyway, those 2 years that I worked for her gave me the best gratification that I had ever felt in my lifetime.  Her mother would always praise me.  She thought that I was building this little girls self esteem and just working wonders for her.  This girl had changed her life since I started working with her.  She went from someone that wasn’t that popular to someone that was into what everyone was doing and EVERYONE loved her in school.  They all seemed to want to be her friend.  It felt great on my end as well as on her end and the family’s end.  The more she go into the “in” crowd, the less seizures she would have and so on and so fourth.  Unfotunatly it wasn’t something that was going to stop them forever.  So they decided to try the school switch.

Anyway, I left that job and got a job out in the corporate world.  Working with computers and reservations and stuff.  I worked my way up to a supervisor in customer service. After 5 years, I decided that I still wasn’t making enough money so I quit and worked for an ins. company for 3 days and then quite, cause the guy was a complete DOUCH!  My friend got me working with her Mortgage company as a Loan officer.  I worked there for 6 or 7 months and quit because I just couldn’t do it.  I hated lying to people and I just plain wasn’t good at it.  When I quit there I started working were I am now.  I am an inventory control specialist/logistics specialist at a company that is all over the world now and only 4 minutes from my home.  I have a great job, I do love it.  However, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. 

Back to my dream.  I want to have a day care.  I have been thinking about it so much lately, but can’t seem to find a way to do it.  I live in a 2 fam. house right now taking care of my gramps.  I can’t buy a house cause I can’t leave him high and dry.  Then it hit me. During lunch today.  My husband was home from work.  I said, why don’t we buy a house, live where we are living now and use the house as a daycare. That way we have our house, in case we decide that we want out of where we are now, plus we are living my dream of having a day care.  Adam thought about it, but wasn’t too excited.  Then I said that it would be even better if he and I ran the day care together. His eyes lit up and he was all excited.  He told me to start lookin’.

Well, even though I think the idea is fantastic, I’m not completely sure that it is “legal” to be doing this.  I’m not sure if it’s as good of an idea as it sounds to me right now.  I mean, both of us quitting our jobs to start up our own business.  Sure it sounds and looks great on paper  $$$$$$$$$, but is it realistic?

Who knows.  I’m going to do some research and see what I can find.  I’m not sure if it’s ok to have a house and not live in it, but run a day care out of it.  I’m not sure about a lot of things.  The only thing I am sure of is thatI.WANT.A.DAY.CARE. and I want it now.  I want it so badly.  The more I research the less information I find.  then I start from scratch and I have to call people and the first thing they tell me is that I have to get certified.  YA well DUH! I know that, but I don’t want to waist my time and money on getting certified if it’s something that isn’t going to work out for us in the long run.

This is taking a gamble people.  A.HUGE.GAMBLE.

If anyone has any other input or ideas, please let me know.  I’m dying to get this started, but really am scared and not sure if I’m doing the right thing.

P.S.  I always doubt myself though.  That’s what sucks.  I doubt myself then someone else does it and is successull.  WTF!!! I need to get off my ass and get to work.

Energetic and loving it

The past 3 days have been great for me.  I wake up in the morning feeling well rested and energetic.  Going for my morning walk hasn’t been a fight the past 3 days and I’ve actually stepped it up to a jog, which feels incredible.  I feel so much better after a good run.  I can’t wait to be able to do it full fledge again.  It makes me feel so carefree and just more energetic in general. 

Today I am 11 weeks and 3 days along. 1 more week and I think I am out of the first trimester, but I’ve read elsewere that 15 weeks is 1 trimester.  Doing the math with that though doesn’t make sense.  Neither 12 or 15 weeks make sense and come to think of it it doesn’t make sense to say your going to pregnant for 40 weeks or 9 months. If each trimester is 12 weeks and there are 3 trimesters I’d be pregnant for 36 weeks.  However, if each trimester is 15 weeks then I’d be pregnant for 45 weeks.  That is….if my math is correct, which who knows these days.  As far as the 40 weeks/ 10 month thing goes.  40 weeks is 10 months isn’t it?  Not 9 months. So I feel like people have being saying for years that you’re only pregnant for 9 months, it’s not that long, but when you add that extra month in there WHEW it seems like an eternity.  Maybe I’m confusing myself and maybe even you guys, but this is a thought I’ve been pondering for a while.

Anyway, I got off the subject a bit.  So Ya, I’m feeling great.  In the morning I still get a little naseaus feeling for about an hour or so, but it seems to go away after lunch time. My breasts don’t seem as tender as they were before.  The cravings have gone wild.  I crave sweets so much, I can’t take it anymore.  When someone even as much as mentions something sweet, I won’t stop thinking about it until I have it or fall asleep.  It’s so wild.  A new thing that’s been happening is my stomach kinda feels like it’s been bruised on the sides.  I’m assuming that it’s from home that’s being made for the little flutterby.  I went to the dentist the other day and they told me that my gums would start getting sore.  Let me tell you….2 days later they were sore.  No bleeding, but I got these 2 little canker sore type things on the bottom of the inside of my lip.  They hurt like a Mother, let me tell you.  I’ve been gargling with salt water, but it doesn’t seem to be doing a darn thing.  My husband keep insisting that I gargle with peroxide.  I keep insisting that it’s not healthy.  We argue over it.  Then last night, he looked on the bottle and found that nowhere does it mention anything about putting that nasty stuff you in your mouth.  I’m sure it can’t be good for u.

Let’s see, what else.  I picked out the colors for the baby’s room this past weekend.  It’s going to look so great.  I want a beachy type theme for the room whether it be a girl or a boy.  I found a beachy yellow and a beachy green.  They are such pretty colors.  Then I totally scored by finding a paint by numbers wall mural.  Let me tell you. This thing rocks.  It’s an 8ft by 7 ft paint by number wall mural.  It’s going to take a LONG time to finish, but it’s going to look amazing when it’s complete.  I’ll be sure to post pictures.  I think I found the bedding I want, and it’s totally on sale right now.  I want to buy it cause it is on sale and I don’t know if it’ll be around when I have the shower, but in the same sense, I don’t know if I should do that. The sale goes until the 15th of this month, so I’ll take it day by day and see what happens from there. 

Oh ya…..I don’t remember if I mentioned before about the descion making that I am having so much trouble with.  WOW……let me tell you. It’s horrible.  Making a descion is so incredibly hard for me these days.  Before I was pregnant, I was undecisive, but this is way worse than it’s ever been before.

I’ve been in such a great mood lately, that my husband has also changed his mood.  He has been so loving and caring and understanding.  He bought me a nice arangment of orchids the other day.  The most beautiful orchids I’m sure I will ever encounter in my lifetime, if I do say so myself.  They are gorgeous.  Thank you baby.  MUAH!

We’ve been spending some much needed time together lately.  It feels great.  This weekend he said he would even take off (it’s a side job thing he does with his best friend almost every weekend of the YEAR).  so he said he would take it off so that we could ride up to Vermont to look at the foliage and then go apple picking on Sunday.  I’m super stoked.  I can’t wait. 

Well, enough of the book and not making much sense out of anything.  I am having a wonderful few days and hope that it keeps up. 

I love you more and more each day my little flutterby.  Keep on growing!  I know I’m growing so I’m hoping that’s a good sign that you are too.

P.S.  If I continue growing at the rate I’ve been I’ll be up 40 pounds from when I first found out I was preggo.  I have been gaining 1 lb steadily every week.  I seem to have come to grips with it more and more each day.  I worked so hard to get the body that I had, that’s why it’s been so hard for me to let go.  I shall be over that soon though.  I know it’s something that won’t last forever.  I did it before, I can do it again.

10 weeks

I am now 10 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  I’m feeling better day by day.  Somedays I’m extremely exhausted and others I’m wide awake at 3 O’CLOCK in the morning.  In the mornings around 10am I start to feel a little naseaus, but it usually goes away by lunchtime. My stomach feels sore.  It’s almost like I’ve been working it out.  I’m assuming that the stretching of my insides is what’s making it sore.  My body is creating a cozy home for my little flutterby. 

My breasts are not as tender as they were, but my appetite is still going strong. I have gained 6 pounds, technically only 4 but ya know.  I lost 3 lbs in the beginning and then gained them all back and then some. 

I’ve had to go out and buy a couple of new things.  Underwear, bras, pants and shirts.  The only thing that I haven’t had to buy is socks. Although at the rate I’m going, I might just have to buy some of those too. I’m just kidding.  I really do feel good about the weight I’ve gained.  I don’t feel good about the places I’ve gained it in, but hey at least you can tell I’m eating right? 

Other than the physical aspects of this pregnancy, I feel like I have come to grips (for now) with the hormonal thing.  I was so irritated with everything Adam did and said. I was annoyed all of the time and just plain cranky.  I think it’s slowed down a bit (keeping my fingers crossed).  I really don’t like being like that, but when it’s happening I can justify it so well in my head.  After I do my thing and get it out of my system, I think back to how I acted and think “what a freak”.  There really wasn’t a reason as to why I acted the way I did, but it’s over now.  Oh well.  So ya.  That seems to have come to a head, for this week anyway. 

Another thing I am having trouble with is decsion making.  I can’t even decide what I want to eat most of the time.  It’s a horrible feeling.  We went to 3  paint stores the other day and spent a whole lot of time trying to decide what color to paint the baby’s room.  Neither of us could decide what color to paint.  It was horrible.  I’m usually pretty good when it comes to painting and redecorating.  I can go into a store and not have any idea about what to do, but when I get there, it all comes to me.  I do it and it looks wonderful.  I seem to have lost that touch lately.

I’m pretty much at ease with everything these days though, which makes me very happy.  I don’t feel as uptight as I have in the past.  I just can’t wait to meet my little baby.  I’m so excited and anxious yet nervous at the same time.  We still have so much to do to prepare for the flutterby, but it’ll all be worth it in the end.  If only I could pick out a color for the room, I think I’d feel a bit better. 

Time seems to be standing still these days.  It was moving so fast before, but now it’s going so slow. I don’t want to wish this time that my husband and I have to ourselves and our little pooch, Madison, but at the same time it’s like I’m waiting for the best christmas present ever.  I know what it is and I know I’m going to love it, but I can’t have it until it’s the right time. 

I love you more and more each day flutter, I can’t wait to meet you and give you butterfly kisses.

Junk in the trunk

Can I just start off by telling you that I think my ass is growing just to even out the front part of my body.  My breasts have gotten so large (large to me) that if I were to bend over I’d probably tip. Well There’s no tippin’ now.  My ass has also gotten just as large. I can actually feel it.  When I try on my jeans, I can feel the only tightness being on the backside. 

Yeah sure, my tummy is growing little by little and my waist is stretching as well, but my ass is HUGE!  I feel like it’s huge anyway.  People ask me if how I am feeling and if my body has changed at all.  I tell them yes and then ask if they can guess where.  9 out of 10 times, they mention my ass and my breasts.  It’s crazy.  I sure hope that it doesn’t continue to grow.  I really don’t want to have a table in the front and a shelf in the back. 

God please bless me with the cute little pregnant belly that I deserve and have worked so hard to have.  I have been exercising and eating right, most of the time.

My aching head

Today I am 9 weeks and 3 days along. For a bit there it seemed like time was flying, but it seems as though it’s at a stand still right now.  My stomach is really starting to fill out.  If you look at my belly photos you’ll see it right away.  It kinda makes me nervous though.  I’ve already gained 5 pounds and I’m only 9 weeks.  I sure hope that it slows down soon. I don’t want to be one of those people that get in trouble when they go to the doc. for gaining too much weight.  I have been still exercising though.  Either in the morning or at night I take a walk for at least 15 minutes but lately it’s been more like 30.  During the day at work I take 2 10 minute walks around our parking lot as well. At least I’m keeping myself somewhat active.  The doctor told me that I can run, and I want to, but I’m kinda nervous about it.

On the same note with the weight gain, at least I know that I am eating and it shows. 

As of yesterday the nausea kicked in. It lasted all day and into the night.  I woke up this morning and it was still there, but with a headache. I thought I would be ok because I was paying $50 for the antinausea prenatal vitamins.  I guess I was wrong. I can’t take the nausea anymore.  I get hungary but it’s hard to eat cause I’m feeling lousy but I have to eat because my stomach is saying FEED ME. On top of it, this headache I have is crazy. It’s been here since I got up this morning and it isn’t going away. No I haven’t taken anything for it, but I don’t want to either. I went home on lunch and took at 45 minute nap hoping that would help, but it didn’t. I kinda wanted to see if I could leave for the day, but on the same note, I don’t want to use up the 2 days that I have left of sick time. Plus I don’t want to act like I can’t handle the pregnancy. It’s the competition in me I guess.  This girl at work was preggo last year and worked throughout the entire time.  I am hoping to be able to do that.  I guess we’ll see.  I know that all pregnancies are different.

One thing that is bothering me a lot during this time is that the amount of water I am drinking is dwindling down. Before I was pregnant I would drink at least 2 most times 3 liters of water a day. In the last week or so, I haven’t liked the taste of water and it’s really hard to get down. I know that water is a great thing for the body and I’m really trying to make myself drink it.  However, lately I’ve only been able to get 1 liter sometimes less a day down.  It really bothers me, because I know how good it makes you feel and I know how good it is for your body.  Especially at this stage in the game.  Water is prime, or so I’ve heard, when you are pregnant. I really hope that changes REAL quick.

Other than that, nothing really has changed.  I’m still as exhausted as ever. I go to bed around 8pm every night and get up at 7:45ish.  Yet I’m still tired. My clothes are still fitting me, however a bit tighter than they were in the past.  It’s really time to go shopping.  I just don’t have the time or energy to do so these days. I don’t want to do much of anything, except sleep.  I’ve heard so many older people tell me that being pregnant was the best times of their lives.  It was the time when they had the most energy and blah blah blah.  Well that’s not the case for me people, let me tell you.  I sure hope the next month comes quick and it’s what you are saying it is.

I’m not used to being held down. I used to be on the go all of the time. Please make this go by as quick and painless as possible. 

I’m sure it’ll all be worth it in the end.  I just complain way too much.

Spoiled rotten and not sure what to do about it

 Just to give you a little background, my husband and I started dating 6 and 1/2 years ago.  We both left our respective apartments and moved in together.  We moved into  my grandfathers house to save money and help him out.  He has a 2 family house with 3 bedrooms in each part of the house. He said that we could live upstairs for $100 a month.  We live on the top half and he lives in the bottom.  It’s well worth $700 a month he figured we’d help him and he’d help us. Anyway, he said that we could get a dog, which is something I have grown up with all of my life.  However, living in an apartment, never allowed for that. Adam on the other hand, never grew up with a dog and wanted nothing to do with one. I begged and pleaded and he held his own and kept saying no way. One day about 3 weeks after moving in together, we were out at the mall.  We had walked by Petsmart and I had asked if we could go inside to check out the dogs.  Not to get one but just to look (see where i’m going with this).  He said ok.  We got inside and looked around and went over to the adoptable pets section. I was just picking the dogs up and playing with them as was adam.  I wanted every dog in the place, but didn’t ask to get one. Adam on the other hand, saw this woman walk out of a room with this little black and tan puppy.  Adam’s heart immediatly sank and he said “what about this one”.  I couldn’t say no.  We took the pup home, named it Maidson and were on our marry way.  We were going to crate train her and the whole shabang, until Adam heard her wimper in the middle of the night the very first night we had her. From there on out, she has slept in our bed EVERY.SINGLE. night and been treated like the royal princess of the family.  She has us trained so well. For the past 5 years she has been the number one person in our house.  Always playing with us and getting all of the attention (see where i’m goin’ with this one).  However, she did usually do her own thing if we weren’t paying attention to her.  She would just sleep in her chair or go in our room to sleep or what have you. Well things have changed these past few weeks.  She has been acting so strange lately and I swear she knows that she is not going to be numero uno anymore. She does not leave my side for anything.  Where ever I go, she is right there next to me. If I get up to get her a treat, she won’t eat it, unless she is STARVING, which is usually NEVER. In the evening when I get home from work, I always do the same routine, I go in to the room and say hello to her and pet her and then we both go downstairs to visit with my grandfather. He totally loves the dog and it brings his spirits up every day when he sees her.  We used to visit for about 20 minutes and then head upstairs to cook dinner.  “Used to” being the key words here.  Now the evening consists of me going in to say hello and pet her and all that jazz.  We both go downstairs to visit with gramps and I get up to leave and she wants to stay.  She WILL.NOT.LEAVE. I am not even kidding.  She’ll start heading for the door with me, but then she stops, turns around and goes back to visit with gramps. I go back to get her and she’ll get off the couch, start heading for the door, but stop and lay down underneath the dining room table. Once I walk away, she gets up and goes back into the living room to visit with my grandfather again.  At first I thought this was really comical, but now, I feel really sorry for her.  I think she knows that we are having a baby. Either that or maybe she thinks somthing is wrong with gramp, but I don’t know about that one because it’s only been since I’ve been pregnant.  I’m actually getting quite concerned and often wonder if I should bring her to the vet.  Although, I’m sure it’s just anxiety and depression. Has anyone else out there been pregnant or already had a baby with a dog previous to the baby had this experience? I’m worried, but in the same sense I feel like she’s acting this way because she is a spoiled brat and knows what’s going on. I do love her to death, and she will still be a part of our everyday lives, without a doubt.  She is just so sad all of the time I feel like.