Yesterday I left work at 12:15 for the day. I had my usual splitting headache and it was gorgeous out, my boss wasn’t in and neither was anyone else really, so I decided to leave. I went home and ate some lunch. After lunch I laid down and watched the tube for a bit. I decided that I REALLY needed to go grocery shopping. While I was compiling my list, I had a craving for chili. I wrote the ingrediants down on the paper and I was off on my adventure. My head was still pounding but the thought of chili were so embedded in my head that I couldn’t turn back. I had to shop. When I got to the grocery store, I started off in the fruits and veggie area, which is were I ALWAYS start off. I got the onion and the garlic and the pepper, plus all the other stuff I needed for the week. The longer I was in the store the more I started to get hot and I actually started to panic a bit. A little side note, I have had anxiety and depression for about 6 years, so bad that I wasn’t even able to go to the store at all at one point. I have come such a LONG way in that I am able to go to the stores myself and do things on my own again and it feels great, but sometimes I freak out at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, I started to get hot and sweaty and panicy, but I knew that I hadn’t gotten all the ingrediants to make the chili, which was really what was keeping me going. I continued on down the isles and picked up the sauce and the diced tomatoes and whatever else was needed. My head was still pounding right along with my heart.
Finally I had everything. I got home and I had to carry the groceries up the stairs to my house. The more I walked up those damn stairs, the more tired and frusturated I got. My head was pounding, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the chili. Finally I get everything into the kitchen and put away. I thought for a second that I would hold off on making the chili because I needed to rest and my head was pounding. I was feeling better from the panic, but I was just plain exhausted feeling, but my body would not let me rest until I made that chili (cravings I tell you). I chopped everything and prepared the chili. All I had to do was let it set in the crock pot for 5 hours. Which was fine because in an hour or so family night would begin and we’d have to go to my grandfathers for dinner anyway (the plans for eating the chili weren’t until tomorrow for lunch and or dinner).
I go rest and watch TV, I may have even fell asleep for a bit. At 6pm I went down to my grandfathers house with the rest of my family for dinner. Making sure to stir the chili every so often. The smell just invaded my house. I could actually taste the chili in my mouth.
Family night was over, I went upstairs watched TV for a bit, but couldn’t really concentrate because of the smell of the delicious chili. After a few hours I went out into the kitchen to turn off the crock pot (Note I hadn’teven tried the chili, I wanted it to be a suprise to my mouth when I ate it for lunch, plus I was so full from dinner still). I turned off the crock pot and thought about leaving it in the pan from the crock pot, and just putting it in the fridge, but then I decided to use one of my new glass bowls. I’ve used them before, but never had the chance to use the biggest one. I start scooping the chili into the nice big bowl (see where I’m going with this). All of the chili is almost out of the crock pot. I was getting so excited, one because I didn’t have to use 2 bowls like I normally do because it was all fitting in this nice new glass container and two because it smelled so freakin’ delicious and I couldn’t wait to taste it, but didn’t even test it.
I get to the end of the crock pot scraping the bottom for every piece of chili that was in there and POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yep POP!!!! The freakin’ never been used HUGE glass bowl broke right in front of my eyes. I immediatly started crying. I was so upset. It smelled amazing and it looked delicious and I was good, I hadn’t even tested it yet. I was so fired up. I screamed for my husband who was on his way down to the basement. He came running up the stairs wondering what had happened. He took one look at the bowl and then at me and I could tell he felt so horrible. He started to help me clean it up, I just stood there holding the garbage can so that he could scoop everything off of the counter in to the can. As I was standing there was tears in my eyes, I had everything I could do to keep myself from picking up a spoons and just trying a little tiny bit of that chili that I had been craving now for well over 6 hours. If I hadn’t been so scared to have my throat severed by the glass, I would have taken out a spoon and just had at it.
After a minute or so I just dropped the garbage can on the ground and ran to my room like a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum. For some reason it hurt so bad that I wasn’t even able to taste that chili. I worked so hard to make it. I wasn’t feeling good and my body made me keep going to make that chili.
Damn cravings, I’m not giving in again only to have my heart broken!
Needless to say I went home for my lunch break today and had a chicken sandwich with cheese and bbq sauce on a whole wheat roll. It was good, but the it wasn’t as good as the chili would have been.
1 Comment
October 11, 2006 at 3:39 pm
Oh my goodness. I know this will sound so mean, but that’s really funny – even though I know pregnancy cravings are no laughing matter, that was still very cute.