Amazing is the only word to describe what I was feeling

Sorry it took so long to post about the u/s experiance.  I just find that the days feel like they are getting shorter.  I am more and more tired every day.  I feel like a zombie most of the time.  I hope that goes away real soon.  I’m used to doing all sorts of things and being out and about.  That’s certainly not happening.

The ultra sound was amazing.  Frist off I had to be sure to go to the u/s with a full bladder.  Which isn’t really a problem for me as I drink at least 2 liters of water every day and have to urinate about a dozen and a half times throughout the day. Before I left for the appointment, I went to the bathroom.  I then drove to my mothers house to pick her up which is not more than 10 minutes away from where I work.  As soon as I got out of the car I had to go again.  I thought of holding it, but I couldn’t I had to GO.  My mom yelled at me and said that I had to have a full bladder and if I go there and don’t have one they will not do the u/s.  I told her not to worry that I was pretty sure that as soon as I stepped foot into the office I’d have to go again.  We left my moms house and drove to the appt.  Again not more than 10 minutes away from her house.  As soon as I pulled on to the street that the hospital is on I had to go like no other.  My mom was yelling at me telling me that I had better hold it this time and yadda yadda ya.  I reassured her that I was going to try my hardest.

I get inside and can’t sit still.  I checked in and waited impatiently for the appointment.  Sitting down wasn’t an option.  I had to walk around and keep my body and mind moving or else I was going to unrinate all over the dang place.  About 15 minutes go by and they call my name.  When I got into the room the lady could tell I had to go, so she was trying to hurry things along.  She squirted the warm (yes warm, not cold like it normally is or so I thought) gel onto my belly.  She put the sonogram to my belly moved it around for a second and said you had better go to the bathroom, you’re pretty full.  She said that when I got back she would do an internal and I would be much happier with the results.

I went to the bathroom and breathed a HUGE sigh of releif, but at the same time.  I was thinking WHAAAAT and internal.  YIKES.  I thought that I would go through this u/s business fully clothed. Boy was I wrong!  In case you haven’t noticed I am wicked shy about my body and very uncomfortable having it looked at poked, and proded. I guess I had better get over that real quick now huh. So anyway, I go back into this room where the nurse and my mother are.  The nurse hands me a gown and tells me to undress from the waist down. I do and then I get up on the bed and lay down.  The nurse comes back and inserts the HUGE piece of equipment and all inhabitions were gone.  As soon as I saw that little flutterby and the little heart beating 171 beats per minute, I could do nothing but stare at the scree in aw.  My mother on the other hand freaked out an started crying and grabbing onto my hands.  I just wanted to enjoy that moment with my husband and I couldn’t even do that, cause he was at work.  WORK WORK WORK!!!!!  UGH!

The nurse kept moving the “thing” around in different directions and showing me different things.  The little baby had it’s arm in the air as if he was waving at me.  Saying hey momma I’m over here and I love you.  I can’t wait to meet you. Then out of no where, the little jumping bean, freaked right out and did a little dance like type move.  It was cutest thing I have ever seen.  It’s like he was trying to put on a show for me.  It too was amazing.  I’ll never forget that image as long as I live.

Then the nurse changed the senery to my overies.  She took measurements and then showed me that overy that I ovulated in.  I thought that was REALLY cool.  I never knew that you could tell the difference.  In the right one there was a big hole, where I had actually ovulated out of.  I was amazed at that.  She then turned back to the baby, took some measurements and was on her marry way.

She said that I could get dressed and that she would be back.  She had to go talk to the doctor and show him the pictures.  I got dressed.  My mother and I oooed and awwed over the little baby that is growing inside of me. I joked about how the baby was waving to me but giving her the finger because she didn’t dress up for it’s first apparence. (Earlier that morning my mother emailed me, jokingly, asking if she should be sure to dress up for the babies first apperance.  She claimed that she wanted to make a good first impression for her 1st grandbaby. When I showed up to get her she was in her normal everyday etire and we joked about her not dressing up).

The nurse came back into the room she said that everything looks ok.  I had asked if the baby was growing at the right rate.  She said that it looked to be 9 weeks not 8.  I was then pretty confused and still to this day have not gotten a due date from any of the doctors. I explained that I am 100% positive that my last period was on 7/16/06.  I was pretty positive that I concieved on or around the date of July 23rd. Which means, if my math is correct, that on 9/15/06 my baby was 8 weeks and 5 days old. Now I was a bit confused and probably should have had her elaborate a bit more, but all of the excitment made me lose my thoughts.  So when she told me that I was 9 weeks and not eight did she mean that I was going to be 9 weeks on Sunday like I had originally thought or did she mean that I was going to be 10 weeks on Sunday.  I am utterly confused and am dying to know that answer.  If anyone has any light they can shed on this it would be greatly appreciated.

So I left the u/s with a great first impression of my little baby.  Another wierd sidenote.  Ever since the baby was born I have been reffering it to the little flutterby, but on some occassions I’d catch myself calling it a she.  As soon as I saw the little baby on the screen I started calling it a he and haven’t stopped since.  My mom saw the heart beating and immediatly said that it was a girl because of the rapidness of it.  I’d like for it to be a girl, but on the other hand I really don’t care as long as it is healthy. 

There are good things and bad things to look forward to with both genders, so either way it doesn’t matter to me.  It’s just an amazing experience and such a blessing to even have this opportunity.

  I’d like to know what others think though.  I’m going to try to post the picture of the u/s that I got.  Let me know what ya’ll think. 

Check out the ultrasound picture by clicking this link. http://www.flickr.com/photos/27801394@N00/sets/72157594291187178/

Everything seems well

The doctors appointment was very informative. Adam and I both got there for the 4:30 apt. We waited only about 5 minutes before we were called into the office.  As soon as I got in there, I was instructed to give a urine sample so I did. We then were led into a room in the back where the woman took my blood pressure.  It was good as usual.  She then instructed us to get comfy and let us know that Peg the midwive would be in in a minute.

When Peg entered the room all of the feelings I had of nervousness went away.  She came into the room with an opened laptop.  The first question she asked was if I was computer literate.  I of course answered yes. She told me to come closer.  They had just recieved new laptops and are going to a paperless system.  She said she didn’t even know how to use the thing.  On the screen were a bunch of questions about my history.  She went through each one and I answered honestly. Then she went through and asked Adam some questions and then asked us both questions.

After the question game, she went over some information about HIV testing and other screenings that can be done at 12 weeks.  she explained that we needed to make a decision on whether or not we wanted the screening done and what we would do with the information once we recieved it. She went over excersie wearing a seatbelt in vehicles and so on and so forth.  This all took about 1 hour or so.  Adam had asked some questions and Peg didn’t seemed phased by it.  she answered then and didn’t seem annoyed.  she took her time and listened to our concerns and questions.

After that part of the visit was the exam.  The part I HATE.  I can’t say it loud enough.  UGH!!! Not that anybody likes “the exam” but I am disgusted by it.  Anyway she left the room so that i could undress.  Adam got the heeby jeebies, picked up a magazine and turned his chair as far away from my southern area as possible.  He kept moving around and just stared at one page of the magazine.  I know he wasn’t reading anything at all.  He was just staring, wanting us to think that he was cool with the whole procedure and wanting us to think that he was actually reading about the different types of womens handbags that were on that page.  So anyway, Peg came in and did the exam.  I had asked perviously if I’d be able to hear the heartbeat or get an u/s.  She said no and continued to say that the heartbeat wouldn’t be for a few more weeks and the  u/s was at 18-20 weeks.  I was wicked bummed. So she did the exam and checked me over and then decided to put the fetal heart monitor on my tummy to see if we could hear the heart beat.  We weren’t able to hear it, but I was so excited that she did that for us.  She didn’t have to do it.  She even said it wouldn’t be for a while.  She allowed me to listen for at least 5 minutes. All I heard was a bunch of grumbling and my own heartbeat.

So after that she had me get my clothes on.  when she came back in the room she said that she would try like heck to get us an ultra sound.  She was trying to think of reasons as to why I would need an u/s.  She finally came up with one saying that it seemed to be bigger than what I was telling her.  Meaning that the baby could have been concieved before I am saying it was and she also put on the sheet that I was having trouble going to the bathroom and that this certain cyst that is a good cyst my be really full. Got me swinging but I went with it so that I could see our baby. 

Peg was so cool and good to us.  She told us that she is retiring in a month. I was so sad to see her go.  I would have loved to meet with her again.  She was so relaxed and informative and just caring.  We seemed to relate very well with her.

So after that I hate sit in line to get some bloodwork done.  I had to get the normal blood work but also I am having a lead test done.  since we live in a VERY old house and we are 100% positive that it does have lead in it, I wanted to make sure that we are ok to be living there.  She said that if the levels come back to high we have no choice but to move out.

The bloodwork went as ok as it can.  I hate being stuck with needles.  I like watching others but when it comes to me.  UGH!  YUCK!

So after the bloodwork, I  went to checkout and the lady said I was good to go and my next apt. would be 10/11 @ 5pm.  I then stopped her and said that I was supposed to get an u/s.  She looked at my sheet again and said “today”?  I said ya I think so.  She went and spoke with Peg who explained herself.  When the woman came back she explained that we’d have to make an appointment.  She said that the earliest we’d be able to do it in the office would be Tuesday but that she would make an apt,. at the hospital for me for this week if I wanted.  So I took her up on the office for the u/s this week.  She said that she would call me in the morning with the date and time.

First thing this morning my cell phone rang.  It was her.  She made the appointment for 3:15 tomorrow at the hospital.  YAY!!! I get to see my little flutterby tomorrow.  WOOOHOOOO!! I’m super excited.  Adam will not be with me, but my mother will.  She is even more excited than I am I think.

So everything went well. Better than expected.  I hope to continue to do well.  I sure hope I get to visit with Peg one more time before she leaves the practice.  Long live Peg~ 

Grow baby grow.  I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!  I love you~

P.S.  I was pretty excited to hear that my office does 3D u/s. Another upside to my visit yesterday.

1st appointment and 8 week update

Today is the day that I go to the doctors.  I have been waiting for this day to come for the past 5 weeks now.  I can’t wait to hear about how my little flutterby is growing.  I hope that I get to hear the little heartbeat and I hope that I get to see a picture of my baby.  Wow it sounds more and more strange every time I say “my baby”.  It’s so exciting. I’m becoming more and more at ease with this whole pregnancy thing.  I do still have the MAJOR mood swings that my husband still can’t seem to understand, but yet either can I so I don’t know why I try to get him to understand.  I really haven’t had that many food cravings.  I’m still hungry all of the time and fill my hungar all of the time.  I have cramps every now and then.  The morning sickness (knock on wood once again) hasnt’ really hit me yet.  There are days when I can feel the nastiness in the pit of my stomach, but it usually goes away by mid-day without throwing up. Nothing really has changed, oh except the size of my waist, or stomach or hips.  Oh wait all three.  My jeans are becoming tighter and tigher by the day.  I think by next week I’m going to have to go out and get me some new cloths.  That is IF the hubby allows it.  Although he should allow it cause I’m sure he wouldn’t like feeling like I am feeling in my clothes these past few days.  I really feel uncomfortable and just not pretty at all.  Anyway, it’s time to go to my appointment.  I’ll give an update when I return.  I am really praying that everything is going ok and that my little flutterby is healthy.  Wish us luck! I love you little baby!~

Today is the day that I go to the doctors.  I have been waiting for this day to come for the past 5 weeks now.  I can’t wait to hear about how my little flutterby is growing.  I hope that I get to hear the little heartbeat and I hope that I get to see a picture of my baby.  Wow it sounds more and more strange every time I say “my baby”.  It’s so exciting.

I’m becoming more and more at ease with this whole pregnancy thing.  I do still have the MAJOR mood swings that my husband still can’t seem to understand, but yet either can I so I don’t know why I try to get him to understand.  I really haven’t had that many food cravings.  I’m still hungry all of the time and fill my hungar all of the time.  I have cramps every now and then.  The morning sickness (knock on wood once again) hasnt’ really hit me yet.  There are days when I can feel the nastiness in the pit of my stomach, but it usually goes away by mid-day without throwing up.

Nothing really has changed, oh except the size of my waist, or stomach or hips.  Oh wait all three.  My jeans are becoming tighter and tigher by the day.  I think by next week I’m going to have to go out and get me some new cloths.  That is IF the hubby allows it.  Although he should allow it cause I’m sure he wouldn’t like feeling like I am feeling in my clothes these past few days.  I really feel uncomfortable and just not pretty at all. 

Anyway, it’s time to go to my appointment.  I’ll give an update when I return.  I am really praying that everything is going ok and that my little flutterby is healthy. 

Wish us luck!

I love you little baby!~

7 week update or lack there of

I thought starting a blog would be a great way to get all of my frustrations out, a great way to vent and a way to keep the memories alive.  However, I haven’t been doing such a good job with posting.  Every time I think of posting, I have something more important to do and then I forgot about posting so the nothing ever gets posted.  I can say that I’ll try harder all I want, but I can’t make any guarantees that it’s going to happen.  I will try my hardest to at least keep posted about the progress of our pregnancy.

So here it goes.  I’m 7 weeks and 4 days today. I am currently 114.5 lbs (the same as when I first found out).  My appetite has been steady all along.  I am hungary all of the time and do eat all of the time.  I can’t say that I have been eating all of the right things.  I’ve been trying, but sometimes I just can’t bare to eat that healthy food all of the time. I get that lump in my throat when it’s time to eat it and I change my mind.  I’m so hungry at the time though, so I just eat whatever I am able to visualize myself eating. My breasts have gotten ginormous (if that’s even a word).  They are sore and changing on a daily basis.  I still have the worst gas I have ever known someone to have.  I am beginning to be constipated, or so I think.  I’ve never been before, but have usually been regular (if you know what I mean).  Lately though, it has not been and on Saturday I had wicked sharp pains in my stomach.  Once I finally went to the bathroom, I fe
lt so much better. Every now and then I get that buttery feeling in my stomach that I have mentioned in previous posts.  It feels as though I have swallowed a whole tub of country crock.  YUCK!  Just thinking of it makes me feel ill.  Again today I have that feeling.  It’s something that comes and goes.  I can easily say that I’ve only had that feeling maybe 5 times. 

Oh and the thing that pisses my husband off the most is how quick tempered I am.  WOW!  It’s something that I can’t control.  It happens and then when it’s over I feel so much better.  However, my husband doesn’t understand and gets all defensive on me.  It turns into a huge fight and we are mad at each other for the rest of the day.  I’m trying to get him to understand that when I get “hormonal on his ass” that he needs to comfort me and make me feel better, not argue with me.  Once the chip off my shoulder I’ll be back to my normal self and all will be well and good.  So far though, he hasn’t been able to grasp that.  He still gets angry at me.  I kinda don’t blame him, but at the same time I can’t help it.  It just happens.  I know when it’s happening and I can rationalize it in my head that it’s wrong for me to be doing this, but I can’t stop it.  I think it’s one of those things that I’ll never be able to explain. I just hope that someday SOON he will be able to understand and come to grips that the next 8 months are going to be
like this and he is going to just need to get over it. I’m not trying to sound mean in anyway, but it’s something that I’ll try and work on and he needs to work on too.

Other than that I’m fine.  Just peachy.  Ilove being pregnant, for today anyway.  I saw a picture on the net of what my baby looks like at 7 weeks and OH my heavans. Our flutterby  is so adorable.  I am so much in love with her/him.  I can’t wait to meet my little flutterby.  I just pray that the little bug is healthy. 

GROW BABY GROW!  I love you!

Well Endowed and not loving it

I always knew that when you get pregnant your boobs are bound to grow, however I didn’t know that it would happen so quickly or that they would get so big.  Since I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks ago, my boobs have grown drastically.  What the crap?  I was not prepared for this nor do I fee
l comfortable with it.  I haven’t told anyone at work that I am expecting, but everyday when I wa
lk through the office, I feel like people are staring at me wondering if I just go implants or started going through puberty again.

Now I’m sure it’s not that noticeable to those that aren’t aware of what’s going on, but to me it totally feels uncomfortable.  I still fit into my jeans but shirts are beginning to be a problem.  Now that I have these new boobs, finding a shirt to fit over them is a major problem.  All of the shirts I wear look shorter than they are supposed to because my boobs take up half the shirt.  Looks like I’m going to have to go shopping for some new shirt.  Aw shucks!  J

For those of you that think I’m trying to pull a fast one or making this out to be bigger than it really is, I swear to you I’m not.  Last week I was sitting on the couch with a couple of my friends.  My one friend
looked over at me and said “holy crap dude your boobs are huge”.  The friend sitting on the other side of me looked over and realized the same thing.  They were both in awe and just kept staring at me.  They can’t get over it either. 

I feel like those chicks on the UFC (ultimate fighting championship).  The ones that walk around with tight skinny bodies and boobs that are so giant they could possible give themselves a black eye or two if they decided to run.  Ya, that’s what I feel like, minus the tight skinny body.  I feel that I should be wearing 2 or maybe even 3 bras instead of the sports bras that I have been wearing. 

I now have a new feeling towards those that are well endowed.  I feel horribly sorry for them and if they are as uncomfortable with their boobs as I am with my, hopefully temporary, boobs, I hope and pray that they can afford to get them reduced.  For those of you that decide to go bigger more power to you sista!  I can’t imagine living my entire life with boobs this big.  Just think….I’m only 7 weeks and 4 days pregnant.  I think I’m in for a rough road ahead of me.  If I’ve grown this much already then I can only imagine what size my “puppies” will be when I give birth.  YIKES!!!! That’s a scary thought.

6 week mark

Today I am 6 weeks and 3 days along.  I don’t feel all that great today.  I woke up feeling more tired than usual this morning.  It could be because I didn’t go to bed until 10:30 last night, compared to my usual 8:30-9pm bedtime. I went for my usual walk to wake me up this morning and that it did.

I was feeling ok on my way into work, but then when I got here and started working I started to that buttery feeling  I explained in another post.  I can’t really explain it.  It just feels like I was eating spoonfuls of butter out of the country crock container.  It’s like that plasticy feeling stuck in my esophagus.  It makes me feel nauseous and ill feeling but not to the point where I could throw up. I just went for a walk to try to shake it off and that did work while I was walking, but it came back once I sat down.

Aside from the ill feeling in my stomach, I’ve been feeling dizzy when I stand up.  Today is more than I’ve felt since I’ve had this feeling. I just wish it would go away.  It’s not as much bothersome as it is annoying to me.  Another wierd thing that I noticed happening this past weekend while driving is that my vision is changing.  I wonder if this is something that is normal.

I think I jinxed myself yesterday by saying that I was feeling pretty good.  So far I’m doing pretty good with the whole weight thing too. In the beginng I started off at 114.5, but then dropped to 112 and now I’m back to 114.5.  I’m pretty happy with the way it’s been going thus far.  I’m starving all of the time, and eat all of the time, but I must be eating the right foods.  I’m pretty proud of myself for that.

Let’s see where the next few weeks takes me.  I’m keep my fingers crossed that this sick feeling is all i’ll be getting.

I pray everyday that I have a healthy baby growing inside of me.  I love you little flutterby.

5 weeks 3 days and a freak out

As I was sitting at my desk today, I saw a co-workers girlfriend bringing in their 1.5 yr little girl. She is so darn cute.  I got up from my desk to play with her a bit, cause I love children. After playing I went back to my desk and just sat there in amazment.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I AM HAVING A BABY.  Holly crap!  What the crap happened here.  5 weeks ago I felt so young, carefree and able to do WHATEVER I wanted to do.  Now I am the caretaker of not only myself but this embryo and soon to be real live person.  I have to eat healthier and take better care of myself so that I can be a good role model for this little person.  I can’t get over it.  This little ball of amazing is happening right inside of me.  I have this overwelming fear of “I don’t know what” all of a sudden. All of my thoughts are running through my head so fast that I don’t even have time to process them. My head is starting to hurt. I can feel the world spinning around me, but I am not able to stop and enjoy this time right now.  I feel like I could scream.

Yes I am happy that I am having a baby or should I say that we are having a baby, but at the same time….I feel so young and unaware at this very moment. I don’t know how to take care of a baby.  I mean I do, but geesh I’ve only ever cared for a little one only to give them back after a few hours.  This is going to my own, a baby that I can not give back after a day of fun. My own baby that is going to cry and laugh, smile and frown, pee and poop and all that kind of baby stuff and we have to take care of s/he for the rest of their lives. We have to learn to play the parent role.  We have to teach them how to say and do things.  We have to teach them respect and responsibility and morales. 

Wow I’m on a rant right now, but I just can’t seem to stop.  My head is spinning.  I’ve so scared, but happy at the same time.  I’m not even sure if I’m making sense right now. 

All because I saw that little bundle of joy sitting outside my office happy as can be with her mommy and daddy.  She was playing with the pebbles on the sidewalk while her parents were talking.  She had this smile on her face that only a child of her age could ever have.  She seemed to not have a care in the world.

Wow, I have a lot of growing to do in the next 8 months.  I’m going to be a mommy.

Morning sickness strikes

Today I am 5 weeks and 2 days along.  Everything has been going ok this far.  I’ve started getting little headaches, that last only until I forget about it and then it’s gone. I’ve had some minor cramping and some minor aching in my ribs, but nothing to write home about. My appetite has def. increased, but my eating habbits have stayed the same.  6 small meals throughout the day, which seems to be working well for me. My breasts are sore.  Everytime someone goes to hug me I flinch.  They just ache and any pressure put on them isn’t a fun feeling at all.  I find myself urinating more frequently than before, but seem to be drinking the same 2 to 3 liters of water a day, which is great also.

Then today came. All was well this morning. I ate toast for breakfast before I came into work.  I started doing my work and all of a sudden WHAM! It hits me like a ton of bricks.  My head starts aching and I get this grumbling feeling in my stomach.  Yep you’ve guessed it.  The morning sickness has struck me once and for all.  It’s not as terrible as I thought it would be, although I still have 6 more weeks in the 1st trimester so it could get worse.  However, it’s just not a nice feeling at all.  The feeling like i have to vomit sitting in the middle of my esophagus and not going away.  It’s been there for about 1 hour now as has the headache.  It’s like a never ending race betweent he 2.  Which will end first the headache or the feeling of vomit stuck in my chest.

Neither of which are a great feeling.  However if I had to choose between one or the other.  I sure hope the vomit feeling wins the race.  There’s nothing like that sick feeling in your stomach.

“the glow”

Everyone says that when you are pregnant you just have this glow to you.  You just feel so cheery and happy and excited that nothing can take it away from you.  YA right!

I had “the glow” for about 3 days and it’s been downhill since then.  I feel like an emotional train wreck.  One minute I am happy and giggly and the next I’m upset and crying.  My emotions turn at the drop of a hat.  I know when I’m being a brat, but nothing can stop me from being one. I just feel the need to get it out and then be on my marry way.  It drives my husband bananas as it does me, but yet I can’t do anything about it.  It’s almost like I feeling it coming, but nothing I do will stop the train….it just comes at me full force and then hits everyone else around me.

This weekend was a key indicator of that. We went to a wedding in Boston this past weekend. Just because I couldn’t drink I felt like either could my husband.  Totally wrong of me to think, but at the same time it seemed rational to me at the moment.  I could give you a list a mile long of why it wasn’t right for him to be drinking, but that meant nothing to him and personally nothing to me at this point either. At that time, it meant everything to me and then some.

I get so angry and upset and then I cry and nobody around me can undo what has been done or make me feel better except Adam and it takes him a while to calm down before he can even make his attempt to feel better.  I feel that Adam should be as much of a part of the baby’s life right now as I am. Even though I’m carrying this baby, I feel that he too has a responsibility to carry as well.  He needs to understand what my needs and wants are, as I have to do with him.  Having a few drinks here and there is fine by me, however getting nutty doen’t really seem like it should be an option to us anymore.  We are parents now, we have responsibility.

It’s hard being pregnant, when we have a group of people that hang out with each other ALL.OF.THE.TIME.  Whenever we hang out, there’s drinking involved.  My lifestyle has changed a ton now that I am looking after myself and the little flutterby.  I can no longer stay out until all hours of the night or drink socially anymore.  I can’t smoke which I’m sure has a ton to do with the irritability as well.  It’s really tough, and I don’t think Adam sees that right now.  He sees that I am pregnant, but doesn’t understand how frustruating it is to me right now that I can’t do whatever I want when I want. If that’s the case now, he needs to realize that it’s going to be A.LOT. different once the baby is here.  We really aren’t going to be able to get up and go whenever we want.

I just wish that he would be more understanding toward this whole situation.

So back to “the glow”.  I don’t have it.  Hopefully someday SOON I’ll get that glow for the sake of my husband and myself.